One Big Mofo of a Craving

You just never know what’s going to set you off. I expect this is something one learns over time.

Last night I was perusing supper ideas. One of my recipes called for a 1/4 cup of white wine. And I was THERE, baby! Bring it on! 1/4 cup in the sausage and peppers, and the rest in the world’s largest wine glass. Noooo problem.

I spent my trip the grocery store desperately wanting to buy a bottle of white wine. The fact that I hadn’t been to this particular store and taken this particular route since I quit probably contributed to associations with alcohol, as I’d usually load up at the liquor store after groceries. I can see why people find driving routes triggering!

At any rate, I survived. Once again, having a craving just pissed me off. I’m not mad at myself per se; I am mad at the craving, if that makes any sense. I want to master it.

I seem to need a strategy, because I’m not about to stop cooking with wine! The trick would seem to be buying a baby airplane sized bottle and giving the rest to my partner and getting the damn stuff out of the fridge and out of my sight lines.

I’ll add that as I shared my craving episode and mulled “safe cooking-with-wine practices” with my daughter and partner, I was very grateful to have a supportive family. From my sobriety forum boards, it is clear that many women are struggling to overcome addictions while they are living in chaos, with assholes for partners and family members. I hurt for those ladies. I am so thankful to have stability in my life. I do not take that for granted for a heartbeat.

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