Day 15 and things are still going, really, better than expected. It is kind of freaking me out. I keep looking over my shoulder thinking “When is Drinking Guy going to pounce?” He doesn’t as often as I thought he would, or with as much muscle. Drinking Guy in the voice in my head whose only raison d’ê·tre is to persuade me that drinking is awesome. For whatever reason, it’s a guy’s voice. Specifically he’s a pirate. I don’t know why he’s a pirate. He just is.
Anyway, Drinking Guy does tend to show up when I contemplate the rest of my life without alcohol instead of just today. So I try not to think too much past today. My original commitment to myself was 100 days without alcohol, but it’s kind of a bait-and-switch tactic, because I know that it has to be for good, not just for three months. The 100 days thing I’m calling a window, and an opportunity to really get to know an alcohol free life and gain confidence that there is Life After Booze. From talking to others, including my daughter who is also in recovery, that time period is the minimum required to get your head wrapped around abstinence.
The last time I tried the thirty day thing I achieved it, which was cause for celebration, which was cause for a drink! “Yeah! Go me!” Clearly the logic here is flawed. It was Drinking/Pirate Guy’s idea. I’m not going to knock anyone who curbs their drinking for any reasons, or any length of time, because all efforts are good. However, for me, the thirty day thing was just long enough to build a false sense of confidence that I could go right back to drinking, but “moderately.”
This lesson learned, I appreciated these words from nowinei’mfine:
“Having ‘a break’ from drinking will not mean that I will become a ‘normal’ drinker if I start again. Whether I stop for one month, one year or ten years, my drinking will be right back where it was – or worse – the day I quit. There are lots of reports and empirical evidence supporting this. So I’d rather not take the chance.”