Last night sucked. It’s Canada’s 150th birthday this year, so the celebrations were rocking across the country. And I was… working. Ugh. Hunched over my computer ignoring the cat. Ugh. And not at the family cottage! I thought about going out but I didn’t really have time, didn’t want to cycle in the dark, and worst of all thought I might just feel more lonely in a crowd. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I listened to all those fireworks outside, and was quite positive that everyone in the whole world was having fun except me.
But maybe this yuck night was a good thing? I don’t know. I think I’ve been doing the pink cloud thing, because I’ve been feeling, you know, so gosh-darn good about not drinking.
Enter over-thinking. Because this is what I do. I over-think everything.
If you are miserable in early sobriety this is bad because being miserable is no fun. BUT if you are happy in early sobriety this is also bad because you can’t possibly be happy and you must be pink-clouding and deluding yourself and you will inevitably have some comeuppance that will be worse than being realistically miserable to start with.
Oooooh. My brain hurts.
But then it helps to remember that drinking never fixed anything in the first place. I mean I was kind of sad last night, but I would not have been any happier if I’d had a couple of pints of beer in me.